Fourth of July was all I wanted it to be: drunk, with friends, and fireworks. Though, the fireworks were more me being pointed, rude, and acerbic in my tone of voice and choice diction after a certain point in the night, but that’s completely incidental. Or really, I was just making it clear that I don’t let people use me for the but of a joke or the inference of anything I don’t infer already…yeah…that’s what I meant to say. Five points to whomever can figure out that sentence.
I do have to say that in the past week has been the first time I’ve EVER felt as if me being honest was an actual problem. Well, not so much a problem, but something that others choose to deride or deconstruct and use for whatever they would like to see it as. To me, being myself is far more important than fitting a mold of what people are “supposed” to be, regardless of what supposed to be is. People aren’t supposed to be anything but themselves, really. The moment they choose to not be themselves and work towards fitting into a niche or mold of what the others or the world around them “tells” them to be, the in many ways stop being themselves. I’ve been fortunate to find this for myself, as well as have best friends in my life who follow the exact same philosophy; Valerie wouldn’t be an honest version of her if she didn’t give everyone she meets a chance, and work to in any way possible make the world a better place. Nor would Chris be himself without judging people from the get go, yet being a stalwart friend through to the end once you get to know him. And Jesse wouldn’t be himself if he weren’t clearly crazy, told amazing stories that are completely over the top, and not apologize for any of it.
See, I used to be the person who would do whatever it took to “fit in”. In middle school, I thought the way for me to be popular and cool was to wear anything that had Gap on it, baggy jeans, and try and listen to rap or R&B. That just made me not like who I was, which then bled into high school where I was did my best to do whatever it was the group of friends I was with at the time liked to do for fun. Which meant I often did very, very boring things…like LAN parties, or other mundane things. But now, at the age of 23, I know who I am FAR more than I did, an know what makes me a whole person; and that is being honest. So, I don’t put on airs of liking anything different or over the top, I don’t use lingo that I don’t think is worth using, drink what I prefer to drink, watch what I like to watch, and do what I like to do. When that doesn’t fit into the mold of “what I’m supposed to be” (not I didn’t use who…this is keen to the whole point), people tend to just deride that. Which is so…pointless, really.
So what if as a guy who likes other guys, I drink lots of beer, watch and follow sports, work out all the time, like to dance with girls and get down and dirty while doing it? There is no better mold for me than that of myself. I fit that every time, ya know. So, why deride or make comments about another person for being honest with themselves? Shouldn’t that be praise worthy in a massive consumer culture hell bent on developing a conformed view and look? I think so, personally.
Oh well. Now that that rant is over. I’m out.
Much Love,
K.E.
