In my infinite abilities to be me, in the past two days I have managed to be come the resident ass hole and douche extaordinaire. With all truth, though, I have no problem with this new position. Nor do I care that me having opinions and reacting to situations based on those opinions comes off as being bad. As I had a conversation last night with a friend, I’m beginning to think the way I was raised just sets me up for a completely skewed view of how the world (including the “gay world”. I’m so tired of the assumption that it’s somehow separate from how life is) should be and how people should be expected to act.
This friend, Shannon, and I were discussing about how we both have certain societal norms we follow; namely, we both believe that regardless of how capable a girl or lady is of getting home, they should let someone know they do get home safely, or at the least have someone walk with them just in case. I know that in today’s world, that seems sexist and old fashioned; but, there is still the honest truth that women are preyed upon at night by bad people, even in the safest of cities. Being cautious and wanting to ensure someone makes it home safely shouldn’t become a question of women’s lib; it should be a question of how conscious you are of the potential dangers in life.
This isn’t even the example or cause of me being a complete douche, either. This was just something that she and I got annoyed at because people think it’s outdated. No, I’m a douche because I expect far too much of other people based off of how I expect to act; essentially the Golden Rule: do unto others as you do to you, or act how you want others to act towards you. I figure that’s a really simple principle to live by, and something that is universally accepted. Fortunately, it is. But, the issue of late is running into multiple situations where other people don’t act in a way I would towards them, and I’ve called them out on it or let them know it isn’t ok. This action, of course, is what makes me a douche.
See, if I were said party making the offense, living by my own expectations, I would want the person I’ve offended (I’ve used offended as the actual term…not so much as fully made upset) to tell me when something wasn’t ok with my actions. Yet, in the past two days, people apparently don’t want to hear these things. They’d rather just let things slide. I don’t let things slide. I just don’t.
See, here’s the example: if someone wants to hang out with you (and hang out is in the “attempt to move towards a date” sense), me being who I am, expects that person to ask me themselves, as well as do it either in person or in a medium they own (cell phone, land line, even Facebook for goodness sake), and along with that, actually allow me to answer and not retract that proposal. So, when someone uses another friend’s cell to text me (we’re using fake names today: Marlene and Arnold), and doesn’t clearly let me know that the person texting me isn’t actually Marlene, that irks me. Especially when, while texting thinking I’m talking to Marlene, I make plans that in turn are with Arnold. What causes this confusion? The fact Arnold wants to use Marlene’s phone because it’s cheaper to text.
So, the issues with the above situation are such: first off, I don’t like feeling deceived and that I’m being led to think I’m talking to someone else. If you’re going to use someone else’s phone, in the very first text, you let that be known, not the second text where you in the past tense and third person refer to the text previous. This reads as the previous text was from you, Arnold, but all the following texts are from Marlene, not Arnold. Second, I don’t like feeling dishonest. While thinking I was talking to Marlene, I had decided to try and make plans to hang out; to be honest, I didn’t want to go on a hang out or coffee date with Arnold, and had I known it was him, I would have been frank with him and declined. So when halfway through, when you suddenly find out that the person you’re making plans with isn’t who you think it is, you feel completely awful because now, you’re the bad guy who has to break off something you just planned.
To top it off, though, I think what makes me most irked by the whole thing is that, if you want to ask me to hang out or go on a coffee date, please, do it from your own phone. Regardless of it maybe costing you money to text me, how about not texting me and call me. It may sound pompous, stuck up, and haughty, but I am an adult male deserving of someone to ask me themselves using their own mediums, not someone else’s. If I hold myself to that same standard when I ask another person out, why am I exempt from my own standard? I’m not.
So, the whole round about thing of this, is that, in the above mentioned situation, I let it be known that I was annoyed with the whole situation, and didn’t appreciate how it felt. Add to that I was alcoholated. What do you get? Me becoming someone is honest, but that come across now as an asshole douche. All because I try my best to be honest. Who knew that would be such an issue?
Well, I’m gonna leave it at that. I’m sure somehow in the next few days I’ll be considered and seen as even more of a douche to some. But, that I cannot control.
Much Love…and Douchery,
K.E.
4 Comments
July 9, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Texting has led to a greater amount of doucheyness in the world. i say that as an avid texter and high class douche. But I agree that if you do something dumb, don’t get mad when called out. I say that as someone who does a lot of dumb things and often gets called out
July 9, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Listen, in reference to the beginning portion about walking girls home, I’d like to say the following:
I do not mind it when a guy walks me home late at night, and I actually appreciate it. The thing that bugs me the most, however, is when a guy feels the need to remind me that he is this great, chivalrous guy for walking me home. It becomes a ten minute conversation about how he never would let a girl walk home alone because he would feel so horrible if anything happened. So annoying! Thanks for walking me, but do it because you actually feel that way and not because you think it is the “manly” thing to do.
In reference to the portion about cell phones, I’d like to say this:
You seem to have over-reacted a bit, and I’m sure Marlene and Arnold had no intention of ruining your life like you made it out to be.
I also think that you are indeed acting like a douche-bag because you seem to over-react a lot, and you are a bit creepy.
-Marlene
July 10, 2008 at 11:21 pm
In reference to the cell phones: You made it seem like Arnold and Marlene were giggling the whole time while you were innocently texting back thinking it was Marlene. You made it seem like Marlene and Arnold had ill intentions of trickery. You made it seem like you weren’t misreading while (perhaps) you were a little tipsy. You’re taking the whole situation out of context and drawing more attention to it than humanly necessary.
And playing the victim doesn’t help your case, especially when you’re calling yourself a douche-bag before anyone else got the chance to.
I think you did a dumb thing… and Marlene and Arnold are calling you out on that.
~Arnold
July 16, 2008 at 11:06 am
EW!! Are these comments above me for real? Gross. They sound like tools. You aren’t the douche, Arnold is for being too much of a cheap ass pussy to actually use his REAL identity and his REAL phone. What a loser. Good job denying the hang out.
Douches wear polos with popped collars and have tattoos in wrong chinese lettering and wear dumb hats.
you don’t do any of those things. Marlene and Arnold need to get a life. How lame.