I cursed the angels, I tasted my fears

Over the past few months, I have had difficulty seeing the blessings of my life. Which, I guess I can’t deny doesn’t surprise me. It’s a travesty, really, but when confronted with life altering occurrences it becomes difficult for me to focus on anything except how too often there is nothing fair or wholly comforting in that pain and loss. It is a unique flaw, I guess. Or maybe isn’t even a flaw, so much as the confrontation I have with that fundamental breakdown and shaking of my faith.

I have this unnerving, unflagging positive attitude, ya see. Just ask anyone at work; I do all I can to build you up, to give you hope. I never stop having hope, and wanting the best for anyone, and seeing the silver lining. Except when I’m confronted with something where, though a silver lining may exist or something can be taken away from the overall situation, I break. In that instant when my faith in hope, in something better goes, I lose my ability to see the blessings that still exist in my life, or those new blessings that occur out of such dark periods of broken faith.

So, I have been living in this darkness for months. When around me shown blessings abounding. I don’t know how I have been so lucky, but I can say I have friendships that manifest as more families than I can list. They are diverse in thought, look, and interest, but each one I am lucky to say I am a member of that family. The support from them is never ending, and flows freely when I need it. And somehow, in the past months, I have neglected to see that beautiful blessing.

I feel blind, and a sad to know that I had taken for granted such an amazing and loyal network. So, anyone who has given me love, a shoulder, an ear, and sometimes your silence as you sat with me: thank you. These were my blessings from all my family. And I hope I can give you that, too. Because if there is one thing I know for sure: regardless of my blood relationship to you, you are my family for a reason. And with me, that lasts forever.

To family in all its forms, thank you. And thank you coffee for making this post about as disjointed as possible. Go me!

Much Love,

K.E.

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